Pity Party Pit

I don't know where you live but i have spent many many years dwelling in the bottom of a pity pit. i held regular parties and was the guest of honor at each. i sent out tonnes of invites and wanted everyone to join me there in my pit. i felt alone, week, useless, sad, and really thought I had it pretty rough. and believe me i have a list of circumstances that validated this state of mind. Then one day i wondered.... why? why do i always feel like the victim? why do I always feel like bad stuff was all i would ever have in my life? why did i always feel sorry for myself?  Well one day I got a little mad. I was tired of the same party, tired of the lack of control of my own life. tired of doctors and specialists and my own negative thought patterns telling me how it was and dictating how i felt. So i reached up out of my pity party pit and gave myself a little smack upside the head and realized if i wanted things to change, or be different i would have to see them differently, think of them differently and address them differently. It is a lot of hard work to change ones thinking and look for the positive when you are preprogrammed the opposite. But bit by bit and thought by thought i started to believe, to hope, to affirm, to see things in a more optimistic way and not let the little things de-rail my whole day or mood. a small example would be; the other day I saw a baby deer when i was out on my walk I was so close I could have almost touched the little darling. as i continued on my walk i later saw a dead rabbit, this was an upsetting site and normally i would focus and ruminate on that entirely, forgetting the deer, but instead i said a little farewell to the poor rabbit and focused on that baby deer that brightened my day. it is small steps like these that are helping me to re-train my thought patterns and give me the quality of life I am striving to achieve. I have had a number of years of the negativity all around me, and yes, it is an effort to re program my thinking. But the benefits outweigh the effort. I love feeling proud of myself, I love being able to say, and believe, I am worthy. I love not losing a whole day to negativity when in fact it was a 30 minute portion of an otherwise glorious day. I am continually stretching myself and trying to live a conscious life with purpose and intention. it is an effort but one that pays off in so many ways I never imagined possible. I am the only one who can make me happy, it is a choice not a situation and I am determined to be happy dang it! and proud, this is an effort for me... but one that is well worth the fight.. So if you find you are at the same address I was I hope that you too can grasp hold of a root or branch and claw your way out of the pity party pit, there are much better parties to be had out here... come on you can do this!